Finding Healing for Your Deepest Pain
Why is it that certain painful memories just won't fade away? Trauma stays with us. And in this broken world, filled with broken people, we all carry wounds that don't easily heal. So what do you do when the past still hurts?
The Reality of Our Pain
Because we live in a world full of traumatic events, we all carry pain in our hearts. King David was certainly no stranger to this reality. Nearly every Psalm he wrote contains a cry to God for help with his inner pain. In Psalm 4:1, he writes, "Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress. Have mercy on me and hear my prayer." David wasn't shy about naming the pains of his inner distress from the traumatic experiences he faced.
I love what G.K. Chesterton said about children's books that contain scary things: "Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist because children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed." We've all fought dragons in our past, and the pain stays with us.
Sources of Our Trauma
When traumatic events enter our lives, trauma is how our brains interpret that situation. Two people can experience the same traumatic event but have very different feelings that trouble them as life goes on.
Some of us feel tortured by evil that was done to us. Others are tortured not by what was done to them, but by the things they have done. Still others are tortured by the lies we believe. Someone may have told you that because you were bad, God hates you. You might wonder if God is trying to get you back when you have car trouble, or if your child is sick because you did something wrong. Let me tell you, friends, that's a lie. Don't fall victim to that lie.
Where Is God When It Hurts?
This brings us to the problem of evil in our world. Where was God when evil came my way? Why didn't God do something? We all have this basic sense that good should be rewarded and bad should be punished, but sometimes we feel like God isn't fair in this life.
The psalmist struggled with this thousands of years ago in Psalm 73: "This is what the wicked are like—always free of care, they go on amassing wealth. Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure and have washed my hands in innocence."
Some people say the problem of evil drives people away from God. But I suggest that the problem of evil drives people to God. Where else can we go to find hope and help in our time of need? Remember when many of Jesus' followers left him, and he asked the twelve disciples if they would leave too? Peter responded, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life" (John 6:68).
Four Steps Toward Healing
1. Let Go of Comparisons
It's common to say, "My brother and I had the same traumatic experience, but it doesn't seem to bother him anymore," or "What she went through was way worse than my painful experience. How come she's happy and I'm dying over here?"
Everyone's brain interprets things differently. Your trauma is how your brain was affected by the bad thing that happened to you. It's best to give up comparisons with others because that's their story, not yours. As Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 10:12, "When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise."
2. Deal with Guilt Feelings
Jesus came to give us life and set us free from our guilt and sins. When we receive him, we are set free. But guilt feelings still show up because we fail in life. That's why 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
Being forgiven by God does not depend on your feelings. When you turn your life and sins over to Jesus Christ, you are forgiven because God says you are, whether you feel forgiven or not.
3. Share Your Pain
God gave us a clear pathway toward healing the past: sharing our issues with trusted people. Shame is powerful, and its power depends on secrecy. James 5:16 tells us, "Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous man has great power and wonderful results."
This is why we have LifeGroups, prayer groups, and ministry groups at our church: to help people build relationships where trust can develop. It takes time and investment to build the kind of friendships that allow you to share and care for one another.
4. Rewrite Your Story
You have a past, and you can't change it. But what you do have is today. It's easy to look at one big defining moment of your life or one big mistake and think, "That's my story." But that's not your whole story.
Psalm 139:13-14 reminds us, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Do you think a major error or incident can kick you out of God's plan? Joseph's brothers threw him in a well and left him to die, but God made him prince of Egypt. God took a shepherd boy and allowed him to defeat Goliath. He took Daniel out of a lion's den and had him lead a nation. He took Jesus out of the tomb and let him save the whole world.
Putting It Into Practice
God has a special promise for those whose hearts are hurt: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18). To all of you whose hearts are hurt, God is coming to you. God is coming for you. And God is bringing his heart close to yours.
Reflection
What past pain or trauma continues to affect your thoughts, emotions, or relationships today?
Where have you been looking for healing from your past wounds? Have you been trying to handle them alone?
How might seeing yourself as "forgiven" rather than waiting to "feel forgiven" change your perspective on past mistakes?
In what ways could God be working to "rewrite your story," transforming your painful experiences into something redemptive?
Application
Today, take a practical step toward healing by implementing one of these strategies:
Let go of comparisons - Your pain is valid regardless of others' experiences. Stop measuring your trauma against someone else's.
Deal with guilt feelings - Confess your sins to God, accepting God’s complete forgiveness through Christ. Choose to believe you're forgiven because God says so, not because you feel it.
Share your pain - Identify one trusted person with whom you can vulnerably share your struggles. Remember that shame loses its power when brought into the light.
Rewrite your story - Acknowledge that your painful past doesn't define your future. God specializes in redemption, taking what was broken and creating something beautiful.
Prayer
Healing God, I come to you with my brokenness and pain. You know the wounds I carry and how they've shaped me. Thank you that yu draw especially close when my heart is hurting. I surrender my past to you today, the traumas, the mistakes, the lies I've believed. Help me to accept your forgiveness completely and to share my burdens with those you've placed in my life. I trust that you are rewriting my story, bringing beauty from ashes and working all things together for good. Thank you that in your hands, no pain is wasted. Draw near to me today as I draw near to you. In Jesus' name, Amen.
